Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
