I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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