Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
high people should be assigned attendants
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
