Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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