I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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