dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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