i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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