Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
