Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
