Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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