why do cheetos always look like penises
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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