Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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