Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
