to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
