Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Watching her eat just hurts me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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