We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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