so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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