phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
