she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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