So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
