Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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