Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
