We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
