I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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