sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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