k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
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