would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
