Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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