If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
