So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
