a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
