I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
