well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
