i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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