I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
