i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
