i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize