My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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