would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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