Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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