So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
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remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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