a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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