we're blogging at a bar
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
