1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
