I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
