i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Randomize
