They should really pass out barf bags in church
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
