he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
