the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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