Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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