Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
