I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
