is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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