Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
