Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
