fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
