I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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