He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
