I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
