Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
