I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
