i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
