Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
