oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
