your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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