Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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