I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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