You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
