I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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