I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
