:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
