sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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