Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
