I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
