Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
