There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
