So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
