Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
