I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
