We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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